Let it happen

Everything in my life has come down like chaotic currents, boiling through the sulfurous holes in my body. Some days I feel an immense weight on me, a dull pain reminding me that my body holds up to oceans above me. Some days I feel a strange buzzing in my mind, electricity crackling underneath my skin, lifting my hair up without much resistance.

I am distracted and feel adrift. I keep up a daily to do journal and although I’m able to get mostly everything done, my days still feel unfocused and with little purpose. I am uncertain but in a new way for me. I feel like anything could happen and I simply wait to let it happen. I am upfront but I hardly make any decisions. I go to work and I leave unchanged. I eat without being hungry. I have a drink to erase memories. I write back to my friends and then wait to learn their stories again. I write words but I don’t form ideas. I have no reason to do it besides an arbitrary point in my to do journal.

The days have slowed down considerably and I am still tired through all of their minutes. I wear the same shoes because it’s one less decision to make. The only things I make are presentations. I think up numbers on the spot. I know it does not matter. I am distracted. I am adrift. Everything is about Currents. But there are no thematic connections.

Music as of late: Tame Impala – Let It Happen