How I feel about Christmas

I remember celebrating Christmas as a child and kind of always expecting it to happen the same way, with the same traditions, and the overwhelming sense of something magical. Although I did actively try to unravel the magic behind it and wasn’t so taken with the theatrics. As a teenager I tried to retain what little magic there was but it became more of a family tradition, again something that would just happen the same way.

Then I left and Christmas started to mean long flights back home, no time to buy presents, and hating Christmas shopping altogether. Then it switched from eating traditional foods like potato salad to Asian fusion and not even thinking about the holiday in any way unless I was reminded by someone. That’s maybe my favorite thing about Sydney so far – it is very easy to avoid thinking about Christmas or the chaos that it usually brings. But I do feel a little sad that this is a day to spend with family and friends and I will most likely be having a protein shake after my gym session and sushi later on if I get fancy. And by sushi I mean home delivery.

Having lived in so many places over the last couple of years, I’ve made many close friends that I consider like my family. But being in Sydney now for about two months and with a job to go to every day for most of the day, it hasn’t been easy to really make ties with people who don’t have their entire life figured out already. The last time I felt genuine content during this time of the year was probably still in Santa Fe, when I believed that everything was looking up and I was excited for my future with my studies and the person I was in love with. It’s painful now to look back at that moment and know where it all led to, but that Christmas in Santa Fe I wanted it to be special, I wanted to build traditions, and I wanted to be reassured that this time matters.

But life carries us all to different corners whether by our own volition or because we are destined to be strangers at the end. I’ve become someone who takes things in stride and very little emotion is attached to them, so this day will just be like all the other days in the year, it will happen the same way.