Give me the words

Going back to old music and letting it mean something new. Seeing new places but bringing baggage from the past. Still feeling the ugly love but more careful about it now. So give me the words and I’ll say them like I mean it.

I got very sick today and in between my work had to go throw up to the bathroom. I came home early because I was able to finish up my work but I still feel awful. Trying to do some reading in there but my stomach is cramping and I feel dizzy.

Getting sick just reminds me of my general situation at the moment which basically is that everything and everyone that is familiar is not in the same place as me. It’s not that I am regretting my move, but I am just tired of being alone I guess. The holidays are coming up and again it’s not like I actually celebrate Christmas, but the thought of everyone being somewhere close to someone familiar is just too hard to bear sometimes. In a time like this, I often think about the mistakes I made and whether as I get older, they are further away from each other in time or not. Who knows.

Studying philosophy has been hard lately since I get distracted on every other sentence. Any thread of thought that must be followed from its origin to its conclusion seems like a tangled web of ideas that barely connect. I feel confused and like I am just blindly stumbling forward waiting for someone to tell me what to do or what to be.