I haven’t written because there was not much to say. Yet, so much happened in the meantime. I am still struggling with growing up. My favorite moments of any relationship used to be the moments when I felt free to feel young again – daring, childish, imaginative, carefree, spontaneous, and naive. The world that I crafted around myself doesn’t often allow me to be like this anymore, instead requiring that I think of things rationally and apply pressure where needed to move my career forward and to be patient with what I have.
There are some qualities however that have not changed in me despite the fact that I am now terribly stable in all major areas in my life. I still have courage to disagree and to agree. I still have the courage to bear my heart open and to let the world in. I still risk it all. And I still feel the overwhelming web-like thickness of people and their dreams and emotions as they too just try to live their life one day from the next. I still don’t have any appreciation for patience, and I still abhor cowardice and silence where words are demanded. I still feel at peace in the sea. And I still cry over worldly injustice.
So not much has changed but a lot has happened. I took a quick pause from thinking about my career, realizing that as long as I am being paid for saying the truth, it’s all good. And now with the new projects I am even getting closer to the two (very opposite) things I love – mentoring/coaching and artificial intelligence. It’s a little bit crazy to realize that this job can actually get me closer to both and it makes sense for my current skills too. That’s a huge relief as I was not planning on moving soon.
If nothing else, Sydney put me on track with movies and books and learning. And occasionally even a cool bar is open here. I think Sydney may not be all about a routine but rather about doing things for the sake of feeling good. And it has been easier than ever to follow the yellow brick road of discovery and feeling good, just like a child would.
Do I have to keep up the pace
Things have gotten closer to the sun
And I’ve done things in small doses
So don’t think that I’m pushing you away
When you’re the one that I’ve kept closest