But it’s never enough

I feel yet again at crossroads. A city which I thought would complement me for years to come (at least 2 or 3 for now) feels like it is becoming emptier by the day. There are a finite amount of experiences to be had here and I feel like I am no longer interested in growing the opportunities here. A man who seemed potential to my future is wavering on the divide between unsure and sure that it’s not enough. I find myself reading posts about a year of remote work, spending each month in a different city, trying out the digital nomadic lifestyle that at once seems to provide the kind of freedom and flexibility that I crave but also ties you to the job more than ever as it constantly requires an upkeep fee.

Some of these days I just feel trapped in living – going to work every day just to do my duty, return home and read inspiring stories about people who were able to define and pursue meaning. I’m unsure what’s next but I know there is a next. I’m living yet again in what of those moments in which to the outside world ‘I made it’ but to me I am simply surviving through it all, hoping that one day it will all make sense to me.

I think about those days what it was easy to write and contribute and make things. In those days we all felt that there was no glory to be had and no ‘I made it’ to be achieved. Back then we were jut kids playing with words, hoping to connect with someone who liked the same stuff as us. There’s no reason why life now can’t be a little bit more like back then. There’s no reason why quitting what others consider to be a good life, good career, good relationship can’t be the next step to be made.

Music as of late: Duke Dumont – Ocean Drive (Hayden James Remix)

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