You got to realize

My life is picking up speed and unusual and hard to navigate turns are coming up, which clearly means that I am actually enjoying myself. My friend took me to Adelaide for Fringe festival and it was a weekend full of weird art, tiny frustrations with Australian idea of business, good alcohol, challenging discussion on synthetic dna, getting lost and found, trying to buy art and failing each time, falling asleep at three am, and watching mad max together on a sunday morning in a hilton room. All very unexpected and yet familiar. All full of experiences and energy and yet a bit exhausting.

Coming back to Sydney has been good too although this week’s dramatic weather has left a lot to be desired. Monday night was extremely disappointing. To elaborate, I thought about how sad it is that feelings for someone can disappear as easily as they appear and only because of the most unfortunate little details. Now, it’s just mechanical bordering on becoming too much of an effort. Makes me want to plan my evenings in a much more realizable way so that I can be slowly taking the necessary steps towards the work I’d love to be doing.

Today I’m also thinking about getting older and to the point of my life where I feel really pressured by my own desires to drop everything and really, truly consider a different career. The PhD option is still there somewhere in the back of my mind, and now it is fueled by more options in the arts or non-profit sector or directly working with people on projects that bring others meaning as opposed to lulling them into a safe comfort of worrying about their advertising efforts. Sometime in the past couple of years, I have slipped into becoming a follower of the things I love instead of a creator. That realization is as disappointing as Monday night. In both cases, I am letting myself down.

Music as of late: L D R U – You Got To Realise (Original Mix)

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