Falling free

This weekend has come and gone in a blur. Forgot exactly what I was doing except drinking at a bar with people under 20 – which is a rarity in my life now. I lounged around today, making sure the place looks again like a hotel room – this is not so rare. I still surprise myself at how minimalistic I have become. 6am run is only five hours away but I can’t sleep tonight. As usual, Sydney is slightly too hot for my comforter and slightly too chilly for a sheet.

I bought two tickets to a concert in Prague in November. Not sure if that means I will be there but it would not be the worse thing. If I go, I’d like to take my best friend with whom I haven’t spoken since I moved down here. But as with all best friends, there is this assurance that we can always pick up from where we left of and that we are both invested in each other’s lives although we are missing some of the most forming, important moments. Being here (and getting older) really made me realize that it is too exhausting to keep forming new deep bonds over and over again when there are already so many people in my life that I miss and want to be close to again. So taking vacation to be there with them seems so much better now than seeing new places without them.

During the weekend I read a story of a Tibetan monk who decided to be silent for twenty years and once he broke the vow the first things he commented on were how much love and how much unintended cruelty he witnessed in nature, in people, in his own mind. And that’s how moving away feels sometimes, like unintended cruelty.

Music as of late: Madonna – Falling Free

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