I have a secret that only my partners and mom know. The secret is that there are days (like today) when I plan to do some exciting stuff, exploring thos city, going to a gallery, or simply just having a coffee at the corner store. Instead I stay in, in bed, oscillating between watching videos I don’t really care about and sleeping. The ordeal lasts the whole day and I am not much wiser or happier or even rested at the end of it. 

Afterwards I usually just drag myself somewhere for food and read a bit as I wait for my soggy fries to arrive. Sometimes I watch people around me, all paired up or in groups, and wonder what their day was like and how they are approaching life. I feel bothered and a bit lonely but I don’t feel like doing anything about it. 

I eat slowly, trying to prolong the time when I will have to leave. I am hardly noticed and that gives me some calm. It’s happened before that someone else has paid for my dinner and I’m not really sure why because I hardly look homeless with my Prada pursue and styled hair. Maybe the just feel sorry for my loneliness or they want to feel better about themselves. Who knows what people think or feel. 

There are days like these in my life and they come regularly. Every day when I don’t have to do anything for work or I haven’t planned anything with someone else could become one of these days. Before I thought I was probably depressed but now I think I am probably just happy to escape. 

Music as of late: Nicki Minaj – Pills n Potions